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Do You Communicate With, Not At, Your Audience?
How you convey any given message matters.
When you have a message of any sort, how you communicate it will alter its impact. This can involve a great deal of subtlety and nuance. But it’s important to any writer, speaker, or other creative when sharing, teaching, or otherwise passing on their “wisdom,” such as it may be.
In the last 6 months, I’ve had two distinct and opposite examples of being communicated with and at. Both of these were part of religious rituals I was attending.
My wife’s family is comprised of many practicing Catholics. One aunt is a nun, who recently celebrated her Jubilee (50 years as a nun). We attended the ceremony and the religious service that was part of it. This featured all the usual elements of a Catholic Mass. Being raised Jewish, I have no connection here, and my wife left the church a long time ago. It was an uncomfortable experience for us because we both felt not just like outsiders looking in, but something more raw and disconcerting. We felt like we very much did not belong.
My family practices Judaism. Hence, as part of this, my niece was recently Bat Mitzvahed. We attended the ceremony and the religious service that was part of it. To my surprise, the rabbi leading the service was engaging, entertaining, and I felt something I’d never felt while attending the synagogue when I practiced long ago: connection. Even my wife felt it. We felt not so much like we belonged, but like we were still a part of the community.
What was so different between these experiences? Being communicated with, not at.
How you convey your message matters
The priest who led the Mass for the Jubilee made no effort to connect with the audience. I would even argue that the way he led the service was so ritualistic and rote that it felt impersonal, calculated, and somewhat unapproachable.
On the other side of the coin, however, the rabbi at the Bat Mitzvah made eye contact with the congregation, asked questions and paused to see how they landed, and his every gesture was inviting and open. The difference in the way these religious leaders conveyed their message was an eye-opener.
How you convey your message matters. When you communicate with, not at, someone, you form a connection. That connection will help your message make an impact and have an effect on them.
The priest made me never want to attend any church function ever again. The rabbi, on the other hand, made me feel like I was still a part of a community I left long ago.
Artists, especially writers, need to consider how they connect with their audience. Some do so by not connecting and leaving them with questions, but that’s a very different intent and message. Others strive to connect so thoroughly that it causes an emotional reaction. But when you do your work, you choose to communicate with or at your audience.
The benefits when you communicate with your audience
I write 3 blogs a week. This one, getting into the ongoing creative process on its many levels. Two philosophical blogs, one focused on nontoxic positivity, the other exploring choosing your own life path via mindfulness. With all three of these weekly essays, I choose the way I put the words on the screen to convey my thoughts and ideas.
As a writer of fiction, I tell stories of fantastical worlds, nonhumans, magic, and nearly impossible technologies. Again, I choose the way I put the words on the screen and page to convey my imagination.
My goal in all my writing is to communicate with you. Not at you. That means I choose my words with care and try to imagine you reading this and gleaning something from it. Does it give you ideas for creativity? Will it open your imagination? Does my philosophy speak to you and make you feel connected to it?
I write sci-fi because I love the idea of faster-than-light travel, futuristic technologies, and worlds to explore and experience beyond this one. Then, I write fantasy for the same reason, but also because I love swords (I’ve been practicing medieval fencing and various swordfighting styles for over 30 years) and magic. My goal in sharing my imagination is to connect with you and convey the wonder it instills in me.
Likewise, I write philosophical ideas because the world can seem like a scary, threatening place. But if I can help people see it not for bad, but for good, I believe I’m doing a service. That, however, is best done via communicating with you, not at you.
When you communicate with, not at, you can connect and build. When you communicate at, you create barriers and disconnect that make for unnecessary divisions.
Communicating at and condescending
Unfortunately, some people like to be communicated at. They are okay with being told what to do and how to do it. They feel like that’s a strong hand, and that the person who communicates at them knows better somehow.
The other problem with those who communicate at people is that they can create a limited, false sense of connection by emphasizing disconnect. This is how white supremacists, homophobes, and terfs communicate to some, but at everyone else.
Communicating at can turn into condescension. I don’t know about you, but I despise when someone condescends to me. It’s an insult to your person, your being, and usually your intelligence and wisdom. Unfortunately, some people take messages that use more complex language as condescending, even when that’s not the intent.
When I communicate with you, I carefully weigh my word choices to not come across as condescending. Condescension is a form of disrespect, and nobody deserves to be disrespected.
This is why choosing to communicate with, not at, people, is important.
Communicate with your best interest
As an artist, you’re sharing your imagination and creativity with an audience. I find that when I communicate with my audience, rather than at them, the connection makes for a better experience for us.
Why is this on my mind today? I’m in the middle of writing a new sci-fi series. It’s a story I think will be fun, with some great characters, tech, and an interesting universe. But there’s the question of marketability. Is there an audience for this story?
Some people choose to write to their audience and jump on the latest trend. I won’t deny I’ve considered that. But, if I do, and I write what’s trendy, will I be communicating with or at you? Will I enjoy the creative process as much if I write what’s marketable instead of what I desire to write?
As a professional writer, I need to make money from my craft. But I also believe that if I write to market, rather than to my heart, I do us both a disservice. Besides, even if I write as fast as I can, who’s to say the market I write to now will still be hot when I finish? Maybe this new series about space pirates will start the next trend? Only time will tell.
In the end, I believe the connection you form with your audience matters. Hence, you communicate with your best interest and form a connection. Connection, to me, opens the way to empowerment, which then sparks hearts and minds to grow and improve. Empowered people tend to empower others, and that makes this world better for us all. At least, that’s how I see it.
Thanks for reading. As I share my creative journey with you every week, please consider this:
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