Freeform Sharing When I’m Uncertain and Need to Get Unstuck

This is a rambling, jumbled, uncertain mess – but I know others go through this sort of thing, too.

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The upside to being an indie author is that, to all intents and purposes, I’m an independent business.

Maybe the term is authorpreneur? That’s fancy and probably a bit pretentious.

I choose when I write, what I write, how to publish and market my work, and am accountable to myself on every level.

This brings me to the downside of being an indie author. All deadlines are made and kept by me. When my business succeeds or fails, the only responsible party is me. I can’t point to the failings of Joe in accounting or Barb in marketing – it’s all me.

As an author, I have two specific benchmarks I hold to. Writing 1500 words of fiction a day and producing 4 blogs (and 1 podcast) per week.

The blogs have specific topics tied to them and the day I produce them. Monday is positivity, Tuesday is writing and creativity, Wednesday is my Pathwalking philosophy, and Thursday is health, wellness, and wellbeing.

The Tuesday and Thursday topics are the most nebulous. They’re broad, indirect, open to interpretation, and have numerous variations. This leaves me a lot of room to write about many different things.

When it comes to my writing process, reading, creativity, and the like – I can share what I’m doing, talk about what I’m reading, and offer ideas about creativity and the creative process.

For the first time in a long time – I have no idea what I’m doing. Thus, you get this – freeform sharing as I hack my way through the weeds of Resistance.

Is this laziness, Resistance, or something else?

I started and stopped about 5 times before I produced a completed idea. Every concept I tossed out felt like it wouldn’t stick, had no legs, or was too contrived to be worth a damn.

I began the week strong on my 1500 words a day fiction goal. Yet this – blogs normally come much easier to me – is still half-formed.

Why? My cynical side thinks I’m just being lazy. I often suggest that the best way to produce work is to do work. As Yoda says,

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

Doing – action – is the only way to make jack shit happen. Given that – strained though it is – words are appearing from my brain to the screen, laziness isn’t the problem. Hey, cynical brain weasels? STFU.

Is this Resistance – that force that stands in the way of growth, creativity, and doing the work? Partially. Resistance is ever-present, after all. But this isn’t tied to fear and procrastination like Resistance tends to be. There’s something else at work here.

My article about combatting Resistance can be found here.

What is this, then? It’s me being stuck somewhere I find it very, very difficult to put into words. I can’t explain it fully to myself – so I’m uncertain how to explain it to anyone else.

Yet here we are. Do or do not. Here goes.

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I’m uncertain how to proceed

Recent, helpful correspondence with another author struck a chord that unexpectedly threw me off (through no fault of that helpful author). It was another reminder of a tool I’ve never made the best use of.

Lots of the more-successful-than-me authors I read have an active mailing list. They send info, have newsletters, and maintain a fandom via their list.

I started a mailing list when I started blogging. But I never gave it a lot of energy or attention. There have been one or two attempts to do more with this – but I never manage to.

I’ve been publishing as an indie author for a while now. And the mailing list is an uncertain weight I drag around, sometimes looking at and thinking I should work with – and other times utterly flummoxed, uncertain, and wondering if I should cut it loose.

The other issue is distribution beyond Amazon. I’ve played with this – a little. And the truth is – it’s an uncertain place I know I need to delve into further.

I’m a one-man operation here. I’ve hired marketing help in the past that – though well-intentioned and semi-useful – produced no measurable return on investment (ROI).

Hence why I’m uncertain how to proceed.

The only way through feeling uncertain is through

A part of me wants to say “suck it up, buttercup.” But that’s not kind (helpful, or useful). And it’s important to be kind to myself.

By writing about this at all – I am recognizing and acknowledging the elephant in the room. This uncertain notion with mailing lists and moving beyond Amazon must needs be addressed.

I haven’t been ignoring it, per se – but I have been avoiding it. This is something I now recognize that I cannot continue to do. I must address this because otherwise, it will continue to be this immeasurable, inscrutable issue.

I know this is a very rambly, convoluted article today. But is this at least somewhat familiar to you, too? Many thoughts are half-baked, semi-formed, and disorderly. Welcome to my process of trying to make order of the chaos in my head.

Apologies for the mess – but I wasn’t expecting company.

I’m going to ask my author friend I’m corresponding with her thoughts on this. And I’m going to take another look at my approach to and with it – and do what I must to move through.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Here’s some of how I’m inspired to do my work. How are you inspired to be your own creator – whatever form that takes?

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