All kinds of things go through my head on a regular basis. Some you might read here or in another blog. Some are kept close to the vest – and either written out in my physical journal or not at all.
Whatever the case may be – I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. Specifically, personal versus impersonal and sharing versus oversharing.
Why does this matter? Because the nature of the society you and I live in tends to get hyper-focused on the extremes. People are frequently crying out about this extreme or that extreme, left versus right, positive versus negative, good versus evil, and so on. It’s become unfortunately rare for the middle to be recognized and heard or seen.
The thing is, almost nobody lives at or with a given extreme. Near, to one direction or the other – absolutely. But at? Not so much.
When it comes to the work I do, how personal I get and how much I share can fall between these extremes. But I believe it’s important to find and strike the balance between extremes and work from there – even when I lean more to one way or another.
Why does falling between the extremes matter?
The simple answer is this – because all too frequently, the presentation of extremes becomes an either/or – or – for/against proposition.
Take how some people act towards allies. No matter what marginalized group this involves – if you are not of or from that group, you can’t know the extent of their marginalized experience. Because of that – some will find you an utterly imperfect ally because you’re not either/or.
In other words – the answers fall between right/wrong, yes/no, on/off, and so forth.
It’s important to recognize this because when it comes to anything you choose to put out into the world publicly – the lines can be blurry as all get out. Where do personal/impersonal and sharing/oversharing get crossed?
But more than that – should it matter? The answer is “That depends”. In certain circumstances – especially if they involve others – oversharing can be problematic. Likewise, when you share an anecdote as an example – but you are utterly impersonal about it – that can be problematic.
This is a complicated and often confusing pair of lines to consider. That’s because they’re both incredibly subjective.
What’s that got to do with storytelling, writing, and other creative arts?
Personal vs Impersonal
In Steven Pressfield’s brilliant The War of Art, he shares a story about a friend who completed a deeply personal work that he was unable to share. It was done, boxed, and ready to be sent out – but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.
In a later Pressfield book, Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be, he shares this story again – but now it has a new twist – a sad ending. That friend died without ever sharing his work.
Jen Sincero, in her brilliant You Are a Badass, writes about a friend who wrote something so deeply personal, they were afraid to share it. Why? Fear that it exposed them as a freak.
In both examples, the line between personal and impersonal caused different people distress. Likely unnecessary distress.
When it comes to what you share, getting personal can be challenging. What if, in the process, you alienate people? What if you present yourself in such a way that people who like and respect you stop liking and respecting you?
If you don’t get personal, how impersonal is too impersonal? Can you write from a truly genuine place if you don’t get personal to one degree or another?
The lines are vague. And the line between personal and impersonal leads to the next line.
I have a lot in my head. Some of what’s there is relatively benign, harmless, and just random notions, thoughts, ideas, and so on.
But other matters in my head are not so benign. Thoughts on horrid people, impressions of right and wrong as they relate to me and my life, resentment, frustration, depression, and all sorts of fun stuff that’s not really fun for anyone at all.
Hence the lines between sharing and oversharing come into focus.
Sometimes oversharing is mostly harmless TMI – too much information. Other times, however, it’s done with malice of forethought, to let a person/people know how they impact you, what you think of them, and other potentially ugly matters.
Why ugly? Because some of what’s in my head never needs to leave it. Nobody needs to know what’s going on in my head. At least, not to that degree.
But there are also times when sharing personal things might seem like oversharing to some. Does everyone need to know about my ongoing fight with depression? Does everyone care what I’m doing regarding my writing practice and the ongoing projects I’m working on?
Of course not. But to me, these are worth sharing to show me I’m not alone. And if you’re in any similar circumstances, they might show you that you’re not alone, either.
Simply put – the lines are not set in stone.
Lines in the sand
Like a line drawn in the sand, a solid wind might erase your line, sand can be kicked over it, and it’s easily moved.
The lines between personal vs impersonal and sharing vs oversharing are not set in stone. Ever. And that’s because they’re almost entirely subjective.
Something you find oversharing might look like sharing to me. Something I think comes across as impersonal appears personal to you. And on and on.
The lines between these – and most extremes – are almost always vague and fuzzy.
As I am working on my projects – and through some things in my head – this crosses my mind. Where are my lines between personal vs impersonal and sharing vs oversharing? Does it matter to anyone besides me?
When it comes to me and my life – no. But for you and your life – of course it matters. What that says to you, about you, and for you, only you can know.
Recognizing and acknowledging the lines of this nature can help you define where they are for you. That can also help you be more open and creative – and that’s pretty damned awesome and empowering.
Thanks for coming along for today’s brain dump.
As I share my creative journey with you, I conclude with this – how are you inspired to be your own creator – whatever form that takes?
Please take a moment to check out the collection of my published works, which can be found here.
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