My wife and I were having a conversation the other day, talking about another conversation that I’d had with a third party. The conversation ended thus:
Me to her, “Thank you for being the only one who believes in me. I’m glad somebody does.”
Her to me, “Since you don’t believe in yourself?”
Me to her, “Hence why I said what I said.”
This has been an ongoing matter for most of my life. To add insult to injury, it’s been exacerbated by various people who damn with faint praise, offer conditional love, and fuel the brain weasels telling me I’m wrong/overly idealistic/foolish/unworthy and so on. This gets especially challenging when you’re fighting a deep-seated fear of abandonment.
All of this, however, is my problem, and I can lament it and let it define me.
– OR –
I can meditate on it, talk to my therapist about it, practice mindfulness, and share with you in my blogs. Because I know I’m not alone with this issue.
What do you do when you don’t believe in yourself? Let’s talk about that.
Nothing happens without action
Believing in yourself is not simply a matter of feeling, thought, or intention. It’s all of the above, coupled with how you approach any given situation. These elements are where you get to know yourself, at least on a conscious level.
Unfortunately, society prefers you to be subconscious. That’s problematic because your subconscious mind lacks awareness, let alone self-awareness. It is in your subconscious that your beliefs, values, habits, and memories live. Overall, they’re jumbled together like a junk drawer full of random things tossed into it, an attic you put old and seldom-used items into, or apps on your phone you used for 2 minutes but never touched again afterwards. There’s no rhyme or reason, they’re all there.
Unchecked, they bleed into your conscious life. That’s where the brain weasels chitter at you. When a new belief conflicts with an old, buried, long-ago learned belief, your subconscious mind can’t reconcile this on its own.
Only by applying active conscious awareness can you address the old with the new and make sense of it. Just like cleaning out that drawer, going through the attic, and removing unused apps on your phone, it takes action to make anything happen.
The work to believe in yourself when you don’t believe in yourself is a matter of conscious awareness and action.
With nearly everything you experience in life, there tend to be three primary options:
Work with it
Avoid it
Work against it
Modern society has an almost pathological need to deflect responsibility, avoid accountability, and place blame. Avoidance, distraction, and redirection tend to be used far more than effort, development, and confrontation/daring.
When you don’t believe in yourself, it’s easy to make excuses, find reasons why you’re unworthy and undeserving, and do anything other than the work you desire to do. Because in the end, that’s usually what believing or not believing in yourself is all about.
I’ve been writing for most of my life. I love to take words and turn them into essays on my thought process nearly as much as I love turning them into fantastical stories of sci-fi and fantasy. I’ve blogged a minimum of once weekly for 13 years. In the past 5 years alone, I’ve written and self-published more than a dozen books. There are at least 2-3 more coming out this year.
Yet, because of lots of mixed, outdated beliefs in my subconscious, plus fears of success and failure, plus the (sometimes well-meaning) opinions of others, and other subconscious doubts, I don’t believe in myself. Despite the proof that I have, can, will, and continue to do it, I struggle.
Because of the work and effort involved, and all of that being from within, it’s all too easy not to believe in yourself. However, that can be worked on and overcome.
What do you do when you don’t believe in yourself?
First and foremost, you need to accept that some days are simply going to suck. You’ll feel like shit on any, some, and maybe all levels – mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. There will be days when you feel like you can get nothing right, nothing done, and like you’re facing only defeat. This is all perfectly natural.
Recognizing this is step one. Step two is acknowledging it. If you disregard, ignore, blame, or otherwise throw this away, you’ve disempowered yourself.
Step three is taking action. Make the art. Paint the painting, write the story, build the box, mold the clay, and so on. That thing you’re passionate about? Just do it. Make it happen. Doesn’t need to be complete or perfect, just work done with it. Every little bit of work counts.
No novel emerged whole instantly from the mind of the author. It takes time to write a book. This applies to all artistic endeavors. Hell, it applies to everything, really. Action is the key, even seemingly small and insignificant action.
When you don’t believe in yourself, don’t quit. Don’t let distractions overwhelm you. Keep going. Act. Do something to continue. Your passion is a strength, not a weakness.
You’re not alone. There are lots of communities of like-minded artists, groups, workshops, and therapists. These people can help you because you help each other and build empowerment.
Finally, bear this in mind: You’re the only you that there is. Even when it feels like a lie, you’re worthy and deserving of being. Believe that, and you can open multiple ways to believe in yourself.
Thanks for reading. As I share my creative journey with you every week, please consider this: How are you inspired and empowered to be your own creator, whatever form that takes?
Please take a moment to check out the collection of my published works, which can be found here.
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