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Who Decides What I Should Be Doing?
Spoiler – it’s all on me.
All of us face expectations from various sources. Some are far away, such as society, religious and business institutions, governments, and the like. Many are closer, like parents, teachers, coworkers, and friends. Then, some are within us. We expect ourselves to reach certain milestones at specific times, arrive at point B from point A, and such.
Much of this contributes to stress and pressure on people that can be summed up as the “shoulds”. Ideas about who you should be, what you should do, the job you should have, how you should use your time, and on and on. This can become especially troubling because it creates all sorts of bullshit.
When all is said and done, only you know what is best for you and your life experience. Despite all sorts of messages, both subtle and blatant, to the contrary, the reality is unchanging. You alone know what makes you most content.
However, it’s very hard to ignore outside influences, societal “norms”, considerations of impressions you make on others, and the like.
This can lead to all sorts of questions, hypotheticals, and existential dread.
What should I be doing that I feel I’m not?
Despite the madness of the world at large, I’m living life on my terms.
What that looks like is me writing full-time, doing work to promote my writing and improve my craft, other part-time work to bring in more predictable cash, and taking the lead in managing the maintenance and cleaning of my home.
This is an unconventional vocation. Yet I’m writing, editing, and publishing multiple books per year. For example, as of this article, I’ve published 1 book in 2025, am on track for 2 more this year, and at least 2 in 2026. I’m making sure that the SEO and website work I do part-time gets done and delivered on time. On top of that, I regularly scoop litter boxes, vacuum, do the dishes and household laundry, and keep the cats company.
What should I be doing that I feel I’m not? Well, for one, I don’t work a standard 9-5 gig in an office. I work from home in my home office space. For another thing, because I don’t work 9-5, I work more like 7-10, 12-2, 3-5 or 6. I make and follow my schedule on my terms, and my work gets done.
Hence, truth be told, I don’t truly believe that this isn’t what I should be doing. Why? Because every time I’ve ever tried to put my square-peg self into the round-hole expectations of others, I ended up miserable. The whole time I did what others expected that I should do I felt as if I needed to crawl out of my skin and be and do something else.
Now? Now I’m in a good place as I work on expanding my business and crafting my art.
Ultimately, I decide
Why does this matter? Because life is too short to spend it discontent. Why should I be anything for anyone else that’s not true to myself?
Yes, we need to earn a living, do work to pay the bills, and sometimes this means having to do things that we should do over things we desire to do. But when the opportunity to do what you desire presents itself, you decide how to be. The choice usually presents itself as: Do you ignore what “they” tell you that you should be doing, or do you do it because you care about what “they” think?
Really, that’s what it all comes down to. You get to choose if you care more about deciding to be yourself to be most content, or doing what you think you should be doing for the nameless, faceless them. Only you can decide what to do or not do with this.
Ergo, ultimately, I decide what I should or shouldn’t be doing.
However, this is not a license to rape, burn, or pillage. There is never a good reason to be genuinely selfish, unkind, unempathetic, uncompassionate, and uncaring. Nobody lives in a vacuum, and what you give to the world, you get from the world. Ever notice how the most cruel people are never, ever satisfied with anything? That’s because they get back the shit they give.
Mind who decides what should be
I think it’s easy to let the distractions of the outside world dictate who, what, where, how, and why you are and/or should be.
When you get right down to it, “they” prefer that you cede your control. Why? Because then you cede your empowerment and put yourself in the passenger seat.
Yet, truth be told, you ultimately choose who, what, where, how, and why you are. Yes, this will put you up against various obstacles, challenges, and matters utterly outside of your control. Yet you get to choose what to face, fight, or flee from.
Falling into the trap of what you should be doing is easy. Everywhere you turn, someone will loudly tell you. From sources both near and far, close and distant, you’ll be exposed to many notions about all the shoulds you can imagine.
Yes, there are a couple of basic universal shoulds to consider and embrace. For example, you should practice kindness, compassion, empathy, and caring both within and without. Ever meet someone who doesn’t desire to receive these? I haven’t. What’s more, they come from a place of abundance and cost us ZERO dollars and very little time and energy.
You should make choices and decisions via active conscious awareness. This is how you choose the shape of your life. And, when you choose wrong, unless you get yourself killed, you get to choose anew.
That’s about it for universal shoulds. What matters most is, even in the face of a world going mad, it’s not wrong of you to be your most genuine self. That’s because when you do that, you show others it’s possible, and that spreads much-needed empowerment.
The choice is yours
The choice to be another source of doom and gloom or a beacon of hope lies inside of you. You, and only you, can make it. And that choice might run counter to what “they” say that you should be doing. Only you can decide what’s most worthwhile for you and your life experience.
Who decides, ultimately, what I should be doing? Me. Likewise, you decide what you should be doing. On the one hand, this can be intimidating. On the other hand, this can be incredibly empowering. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to seek and find things that empower me over things that make me feel like crap.
Thanks for reading. As I share my creative journey with you every week, please consider this: How are you inspired and empowered to be your own creator, whatever form that takes?
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